a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Randomize
