i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
