is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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