I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
