dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
