Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
