I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
