If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
