I wanna bring you to show and tell
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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