omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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