Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
