just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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