Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
