I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
