You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
