:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
