There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
someone get that fucking seahorse.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
