My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
