i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
