handjob tips. give me some.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Still dying that you shit outside
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
