sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
