We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
