Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
