he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
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