Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Farmville is her only friend.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
