it's like iHOP with fire
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
