This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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