I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
