Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
