he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I deserve this hangover.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
