just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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