I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
