i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
it was like eating out sand paper
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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