I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
