he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
