Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
