I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
