He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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