I love black thongs
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
