the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
