I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
