Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
