she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
