Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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