is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
