doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
