How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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