The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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