weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
