she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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