I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
