I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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