My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
