Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I need a hoe opinion
go on
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
